lampyrine

12 weeks is 3 months, more or less

In Uncategorized on September 11, 2009 at 3:57 pm

Yesterday was the 12 week mark — 12 weeks since the last time I saw you.  It’s hard to believe.  I think about you so often, and you’re such a “presence” in my life, even though we aren’t in contact.  I wish I had some clue whether or not you ever think about me.  I suspect that you’re such a “live in the present” personality that you don’t think about me much at all.

So far the whole “distance myself from you and given enough time & space, I’ll fall out of love” hasn’t really worked out.  I mean, if it was just a mad crush, wouldn’t 3 months be long enough?

I’m also dating a crazy amount, and it’s no fun at all.  There is zero spark with all of these guys, even the ones I’ve agreed to see more than once.  I’m really just going through the motions.  They aren’t smart or sexy like you.  I’ve never even kissed one, and I feel faintly repulsed at the whole idea.  Maybe a sign of recovery will be meeting someone I can actually imagine kissing.

Instead, driving home from dates, I have to will myself not to take the exit to your house.  I want to drive into your garage and come up your steps and fuck you for hours without even saying “Hello” or “How have you been?”  I know how I’ve been, and it’s deprived!!

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