lampyrine

It’s insanity that I’m here!

In Uncategorized on October 28, 2009 at 5:12 pm

I have an assignment due in 23 hours, plus I haven’t finished researching it, plus I need to read, comment, and post on a discussion board.  And perhaps go to Pilates and sleep a few hours somewhere in there.

But my traitorous mind has fixated on you yet again, probably because we’ve been in e-mail contact 5 days out of the past 7.  Each time initiated by you!  — I haven’t cheated since the red wine night of October 8th.

Oh, how you mess with my head.  You’ve never once lied to me, or let me think I mean more to you than I do.  But I think she met your family last weekend, and that makes me so sad.  I’m glad we’ve reconnected a bit, but I always crave more where you’re concerned.

I completely ignored your offer to take me out to the movies.  You say movies, I hear “mad sex.”  So yeah, I think I’m still not ready for contact.  Have you changed, though?  Have I changed?  Tomorrow it will be 19 weeks since we’ve seen each other; 4+ months with no face-to-face contact.

Also, you’re the ONLY person I’ve told about what I’m doing next week.  I’m scared, a little.  That’s messing with my head, too.  Where am I going to find the focus I need to write the paper I have due on Monday?  Jesus Christ in a sidecar, I sometimes don’t know how I get myself where I am.  I only know that it felt 100% right whenever I was with you.

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