lampyrine

Archive for February, 2010|Monthly archive page

Ah, this is quite familiar

In Uncategorized on February 27, 2010 at 2:17 pm

Exorbitant amount of writing due?  Check.

Looming deadline(s)?  Check.

Standard lack of motivation, and concomitant obsession with thinking about you?  Check.

You’re in Vegas for another wedding (I wonder if H is with you this time?).  Do weddings make you think about your own romantic goals, your dreams for a future and a family?  Or is all that still in the nebulous “think about it later” category for you?

I’m sitting here on my couch, endeavoring to engage in hard focus and failing, as usual.  I’m very emotional today, due to the stresses of these school deadlines and more drama with my sick pet.  I don’t know, maybe I won’t be the stellar parent I think I will.  I can get so frustrated by my pet’s behavior that I get physically ill.  Why do I let it affect me so much?  It’s like her failures are somehow a reflection of something I’ve failed to do, some need that I haven’t met.  I’m pretty sure that’s wrong — not to mention dangerous when it comes to thinking that way about human beings.  I’d hope I wouldn’t make that mistake.  But is just identifying a thinking error enough to correct the behavior?

I miss you.  We haven’t communicated in over 3 weeks.  I guess the best I can hope for at this point is that you miss me sometimes, too.

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The New Phase

In Uncategorized on February 5, 2010 at 4:25 pm

So twice now we’ve gone out to eat in “friends-only” mode.  I guess it’s actually been 3 times, if you count my birthday.  We went out to lunch on January 16th, and out to dinner last night (February 4th).

I’m not really sure what I think about this development. It is always good to see you.  We always have a great time; we talk non-stop on a wide variety of topics.  I was bummed that you didn’t seem to find me attractive anymore in November, but then you grabbed my ass in a Border’s book aisle last month and I knew your natural horndoggedness had reasserted itself — it felt like all was right in heaven and on earth.

Actually, just spending time with you *is* like heaven to me.  The difference between you and J is so painfully obvious.  I am thrilled just to see you!  You make my world brighter, you make my heart sing.  Apparently, you also make me as trite as a Hallmark card, but what can I do?  I probably look like a dreamy cartoon character whenever we are together, with stars in place of my eyes.