lampyrine

Archive for March, 2010|Monthly archive page

The smell of your place is the best smell in the world!

In Uncategorized on March 10, 2010 at 11:36 am

Okay, maybe I’m exaggerating.  But damn, it does smell so good!!

It’s not air freshener or anything else, either.  I think it’s just the scent of you, absorbed into every molecule of that place.  Or maybe since I experienced so much pleasure there, my brain just makes a Pavlovian association?  All I know is that whenever I walk inside, I never want to leave.  It smells like home.

I was nervous about spending time there; I haven’t been in your house for more than a few minutes since last June.  I was afraid of how I might react if you made a move on me.  I also sort of wanted you to make a move on me, because I want to know that you still find me sexy.

What you did ended up being perfect (sitting on top of my ass for a  few seconds while I laid on my stomach, fiddling with my laptop).  It was like you couldn’t resist me in that enticing position.  And I didn’t move or say anything at first, so you knew I wanted it, too.  But then I said “Get off me!” in mock irritation and we were able to laugh and move on.  Laying your head on my shoulder was sweet.  Your pulling the blanket on made all sorts of alarms go off in my head, but you didn’t put your hands down your pants or anything, so I was relieved.

I honestly don’t know what I’d do if you tried to kiss me or made some other aggressive move.  I want us both to be faithful to J and H.  But it’s been so long since I’ve felt your touch.  Would I go up in flames, like I did before?  Would I be shameless?  All I can think of is the Ani D. song “O.K.”:

If you ask me
I’ll say
Yes please
To you today
So don’t ask me
‘Cuz I’m weak that way
Just don’t ask me
O.K.?

I’m so glad we got that
Straightened away

If you see me
Walk by
You better just let me
Walk by
You better not
Bat your pretty eyes
You better not
Stop me to say Hi

‘Cuz I got a
Sweet tooth today
So you better not
Cut that pie

If you ask me
I’ll say yes please to you today
So don’t ask me
Cuz I’m weak that way
Just don’t ask me O.K.

I’m so glad we got that straightened away

If you see me walk by
You better just let me walk by
You better not bat your pretty eyes
You better not stop me to say Hi

I got a sweet tooth today
So you better not cut that pie

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It’s been a year, more or less

In Uncategorized on March 2, 2010 at 11:41 am

Yesterday was the 1 year anniversary of the first time we met in person.  I considered sending you a short note commemorating the occasion, but didn’t.

Right now you’re on Gchat for the first time in days, but I’m invisible.  A metaphor for real life, maybe??  I’m sure you rarely think of me; I might as well be invisible in your life.

You have handled my feelings for you gracefully.  I did my best to make it easy, certainly — but still, when some guys feel trapped, acting like a dick is their fallback defense.  I wish, I wish…

I wish I meant something to you.  I wish you didn’t love H.  I wish I was in your bed, with you in me.